


Advanced Jeremy Bearimy

by PsychoLynx



Category: Community (TV), The Good Place (TV)
Genre: Afterlife, Asexual Relationship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Inspector Spacetime - Freeform, Jeremy Bearimy, Post-Finale, talk of death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:41:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 16,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24435301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PsychoLynx/pseuds/PsychoLynx
Summary: Everyone dies, but not all at once. Time goes on, people adapt, but one thing connects everyone.Jeremy Bearimy
Relationships: Annie Edison & Abed Nadir, Annie Edison/Jeff Winger, Janet (The Good Place) & Abed Nadir
Comments: 119
Kudos: 208





	1. Chapter 1

WELCOME! EVERYTHING IS FINE.

Abed blinked. It sounded like an adage that would appear on one of the walls at Greendale, but he had memorized every “You’re already accepted!” and “The #1 2nd choice!” slogan they had ever issued, and this was nowhere near any of them. (Unless you counted “Welcome to the decentest college in Colorado!”).

Things were definitely not fine.

Abed rose from the yellow sofa and began his way to the door. If this was like Annie’s waiting game from season 1, he decided he could fail since she was likely not here.

The door glided open to reveal a quaint office filled with natural light. Behind a desk was a brown-haired woman in a purple flight attendant uniform.

“Hello, Abed,” she chimed “Have a seat.”

Abed complied, finding the seat to be the perfect amount of firmness and the perfect height so as to not sit awkwardly. 

“Do you know where you are?”

Abed looked around the room “This isn’t Greendale.”

“That is correct,” said the flight attendant “You, Abed Nadir, have left the physical world and are now in the Good Place.”

“The Good Place?”

“Paradise.”

“Who are you?”

“I am Janet. I am an infinite repository of knowledge here to help.”

“Good, for a moment I thought you were a Houri and was afraid I’d have to propel down the side of the building like Batman to escape. Wait, that actual sounds fun.”—a beat— “So why am I here?”

“Now, previously, going to the Good or Bad Place was based on a point system of everything done in life. Now, life is where you develop as a person and the Bad Place is where you become the best version of yourself. You, Abed, are already the best version of yourself.”

“I know. I’m a bit of this show’s breakout character.”

“Agreed.”

“So where am I, relatively speaking?”

“It was determined that this is your Good Place.”

“Me and a flight attendant in an office? Not seeing the appeal?”

“No, you and an infinite repository of knowledge that you can ask infinite questions. If you want more, walking through that door”—she pointed— “Will send you anywhere you like.”

“What about”—Abed switched to his inspector spacetime voice— “Any-when?”

“With any constable.”

“Then what’s that door?” He pointed left.

“That’s the rest of the house. It’s an exact replica of your dream home. So basically, your apartment after Annie Edison moves in.”

“Minus the Code Red stain,” they said together.

“Will you always be here?”

“Unless you ask me to leave.”

“Cool. Cool cool cool. As previously stated, having a Not-Annie girl living here is not a Good Place situation.”

“I’m not a girl, or a human.”

“So you're an android, like Data?”

“Not a robot.”

Abed thought, “Do you have emotions?”

“In a way. I mostly mimic human emotions, but I cannot feel sad or be insulted.”

Abed gave a goofy smile “This might work then.”

* * *

“A photon torpedo?”

Janet pinged a photon torpedo into the middle of the living space.

“A lightsaber?”

Janet help out her hand and a lightsaber with a green beam appeared.

“A blorgon?”

An upside down garbage bin of a robot appeared.

“ _Eradicate_!” it exclaimed before firing a beam at the wall.

“Get rid of it!”

Janet complied.

Abed looked around the apartment to find the only two places left to stand were where he and Janet were. Movie posters wallpapered the walls, replicas of movie props were strewn across the floor, and one giant junior mint rested in the corner. He shifted. How long had he been at this?

“Get rid of all of it.”

Janet pinged away the clutter.

“So you know everything that has been and can create anything I wish, so what do I do now?”

“That’s up to you to decide.”

Abed looked around. He had never actually lived in the apartment while it was empty. Now that he could do whatever he wanted, what was he supposed to do?

* * *

Abed stared at nothing in the Dreamatorium. 

“Abed.”

Abed turned to see Janet in the doorway. He liked how he didn’t always have to speak for her to know he’s acknowledged her.

“Is something wrong?”

“What makes you say that?”

“Your last simulation ended twenty minutes ago.”

Abed blinked a few times as he tried to find his words “Is time the same here as on Earth, or am I in the black hole from _Interstellar_?”

“Not quite the black hole,”--Janet materialized a whiteboard and pen-- “See in the afterlife, things don’t happen while they are on Earth.”--she draws a line-- “On Earth, it’s a straight line where one thing happens, then the next, and the next, and the next. Here, it doubles back and loops around and kind of looks like--”

“Jeremy Bearimy,” Abed nodded “Makes perfect sense.”

“Are you wondering about something that’s happening on Earth?”

“No, just wondering when I can see the rest of the study group. I guess Pearce is here, but we never really had any storylines together. Like Phoebe and Joey.”

“He’s actually going through his 81st round of sensitivity training in the Bad Place, but we’ve managed to get his self centeredness down to a minimum.”

“Does he know about the tracker I put in him?”

“Yes, and he was flattered you thought he was important enough to get kidnapped.”

“Cool cool cool, but how long until they actually get here.”

“It all depends on how they do in the Bad Place. I can tell you they are likely to stagger in over the next few decades as they die, but they can spend dozens if not hundreds of Jeremy Bearimys in the Bad Place learning.”

Abed tilted his chin down “I guess I’ll have to wait to hear about Troy’s boat trip.”

* * *

“ _It’s not a question of where, but--”_

Abed’s TV paused itself.

“Janet!”--he turned to find Janet already there-- “What is it Janet?”

“I am here to inform you that Annie Edison has entered the Afterlife.”

Abed got up “She’s coming here?”

“She will have to go through the Bad Place first, but yes. She will be here eventually.”

“That’s impossible, it can’t have been here more than a few months and you just said it could take decades.”--Abed stared off left and held out his hands in his characteristic thinking pose -- “Her dying immediately after me has to mean something: it symbolizes loss of innocence in the group, puts Troy down a dark path, causes the rest to spin off--”

“Abed?”

“Janet?”

“You’re spiraling.”

Abed took a beat “But within a year? That has to be relevant to the plot somehow.”

“Abed,” Janet put her hand on Abed “It’s been almost five years on Earth.”

Abed sat back down. He knew in his head he was here for eternity, that time bent itself, that Jeremy Bearimy meant it could be last week and next week together.

But Annie was young, healthy, ambitious.

It hit Abed “The entire group is going to reassess their life or spiral.”

“ _Abed_.”

He froze.

“Just because you're dead, that doesn’t mean you can’t mourn. It’s just different because you know there’s arriving, not departing.”

Abed nodded “I guess you're right.”

“Of course I am. I’m Janet.”

* * *

Jeff and Britta sat at a bar neither could remember the name of, entering the second hour and fifth drink. They hadn’t even said hello to each other, Jeff had just sat down next to Britta and ordered them both malt liquor. Neither had to say why they had both met there.

Annie was dead.

Jeff took in another mouthful of his drink. He loved her, but something had always gotten in the way. First age difference, then distance, and now death.

He tried not to think about the last time they met. It was at the little memorial service they had held for Abed. He knew a spark was there for him at least, but nothing could have happened with them both in mourning.

Now she was dead. Barely over 30 and T-boned by a pickup.

Jeff ordered another drink.

* * *

“So when do you think Annie will get here?” Abed said to Janet as they sat on the couch eating cereal (well, he was eating cereal. She sat there with a bowl of slowly sogging froot loops).

“I can’t say for sure, but she should be here was she has internalized that there are no grades here and that not everything needs a binder.”

“So a few decades.”

“Likely.”

Abed took another bite of his cereal “You don’t have to tell me when they die. It’s kind of depressing.”

“I won’t then.”

“Cool cool cool,” Abed handed the empty bowl to Janet “But do tell me when they actually show up. That’s when they become relevant to the plot.”

Janet nodded and pinged away the bowls. “Would you like to simulate _Inspector Spacetime_?”

Abed nodded, rising as he got into character “Constable Janet?”

Janet pinged a tweed _Inspector Spacetime_ waistcoat that Abed slipped on as he mumbled a thanks.

Abed stood tall “To the phone booth!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Hope you guys enjoyed the first chapter. I'm not quite sure how long this will be yet, but I can guarantee it will end before it becomes boring. I plan on brushing up with funeral traditions and death beliefs throughout this, I have no intention to offend. Thank you for reading! I live for your comments, mes amis!


	2. Chapter 2

Troy looked down at Annie’s headstone, an intricate standing piece with Hebrew above English. Troy couldn’t read the Hebrew, but assumed it said the same as what was below it.

__Annie Edison_ _

__Daughter, Friend_ _

__December 19, 1990- February 12 2022_ _

When he had first discovered that Annie was only getting a simple gravemarker, he had a conniption and bought a raised headstone like she had deserved.

That had been years ago.

He sighed. He was still young, but wiser now. Back then he thought that she had always stood tall and deserved something that showed it. Now, he realized it was for him. He was becoming Pearce, throwing money at something he didn’t like to no avail.

He silently said goodbye to Annie. It was getting late, and Abed was all the way across town.

* * *

Annie opened her eyes to find herself sitting across from a petite Indian woman in a flattering pantsuit.

Annie blinked a few times and took in the room. It was grey and had a one way glass like an interrogation room. She shifted. What was she doing here? She was supposed to be at the anniversary party of her neighborhood--clinking glasses, chatting it up with her neighbors-- not sitting in an orange jumpsuit like a prisoner.

“Annie Edison?” the woman spoke.

Annie took in her face “I know you. You’re one of my neighbors, Vicky Something”

“I am,” the Vicky straightened up “I’ve been popping in these past few rounds and being one of your neighbors”--she began to speak with her hands-- “Acting really gets the creative juices flowing, you know? It's a real relief from corporate life.”

Annie scanned her head, trying to figure out where this sense of déjà vu was coming from “What am I doing here?”

“You, Annie, have just passed the last test you will ever have to take.”

Annie straightened up “What kind of test?”

“The test of whether or not you are ready to enter the Good Place.”

“But I was just in the Good Place?”

“No, you were in the Bad Place. You are still in the Bad Place.”

Something clicked in Annie’s head. She had been here before. Done this before. Had her improvements read out to her before.

214 times.

“I passed?” she leaned in. She was going to the real Good Place, with her Nana and Papa and Abed.

“That’s right, Annie. You have internalized that failure does not devalue you as a human and that not everything has to be perfect. Are you ready?”

Annie nodded “I think I am.”

Vicky smiled “Janet!”

Janet appeared, but it was not her Janet. Her Janet kept her hair in a ponytail and was always wearing a lavender vest with labels over a navy blouse with matching purple leaf pattern. This Janet’s hair was in loose ringlets and her vest was a darker purple one over a white and blue diamond shirt, complete with frills on the chest.

“You’re not my Janet.”

“That’s correct,” she smiled “I’m from Abed’s neighborhood. He asked me to bring you to him the first chance I could. Or do you want to visit other parts of the Good Place first?”

Annie got up and shook her head “No. I’d like to go see Abed.”

“Well, as Abed would say”--she stuck up her thumb-- “Cool cool cool.”-- Janet pinged come clothes-- “You might want to put these on first. Records show you wore dresses or skirts 82% of the time.”

Annie grabbed the knee length dress covered with a lifesaver pattern. It was the same one she wore the first day she and the study group met.

“It’s perfect.”

* * *

Annie stood outside apartment 303. It was her apartment once. It shouldn’t be so foreign to her.

She knocked on the door.

And there he was, grey hoodie over solid blue tee, the same lanky nerd as before.

“Abed,” she gasped and ran into a hug. He was there, solid, awkwardly trying to figure out where his arms should go to hug back.

He pulled away “Welcome to the apartment.”--he began pointing-- “Kitchen, bathroom, who cares! You used to live here! But with one key difference,” he pulled her in so that she could see the rolling boulder scene from _Indiana Jones_. He flipped a switch and the ball roll down the path before defying physics and stopping “It stops so as to prevent the creation of a Dark Timeline that could potentially rip apart the entire Afterlife.”

Annie laughed. He was still him.

* * *

“--So we celebrated closing the case for the second and hopefully _final_ time by all going to a bar. I drove everyone home and apparently got T-boned at an intersection before arriving here.” she took a sip of her coffee. They had decided to catch up in the apartment and had Janet ping them a mocha and some special drink.

“Life turned out well for you then.” It wasn’t a question, more of an observation.

Aniie blushed a pit “It wasn’t picturesque, but I liked it.” A beat “You know, Abed,” Annie put her drink on the coffee table “There’s something I need to get out of my system. It’s about you--it’s not about you!--about me and you. Not romantically! But--”

“The more you explain it the less I’m going to get it.”

Annie took a breath “I was the last person in the study group to see you alive, and now I’m the first person to see you...you know…”

“In the Good Place? The irony was not lost on me.”

“And with how you died and all. I mean, you know how you died.”

“No I don’t.”

Annie turned pale “You don’t?”

“I haven’t asked. I figured someone would tell me when it became relevant to the plot.”

Annie began to sweat “Janet!”

Janet materialized “What can I do for you?”

“Could you make me a mug of coffee that will never be empty?”

A solid green mug appeared in Annie’s hand. She began to drink.

“How did I die Annie?”

Annie drank more coffee and avoided eye contact.

“Janet.”

“Abed.”

“Can you make her coffee way too hot to drink?”

“I cannot do something that would harm another resident.”

“Can I pull a prank on another resident?”

“I suppose.”

“Janet, make her coffee spicy.”

_Ping_.

Annie spit her coffee back into her cup as she panted for relief. Janet materialized a glass of milk that Annie quickly chugged to ease the burn.

Annie stared at Abed in disgust “You could have asked Janet.”

“Didn’t think of it,” Abed leaned in “Why is my cause of death so important?”

Annie set the mug and milk down next to her other drink. She took a deep breath “In L.A., you had a bit of a break after you got fired from the show you created--”

“Due to creative differences with the network and one of the actors during season three,” Abed said quickly “I know. I was there.”

“Well, something made you get on a plane back to Greendale. Comfort, I guess.”

Abed put up one finger and connected dots in his brain “The plane crashed.”

Annie froze “You remember?”

“No. I flew back, but don’t remember anything after getting on the plane. Jeff agreed to pick me up, but you were the last member of the study group I saw in person, so I couldn’t have landed.”

“The irony comes from how the last time I saw you was in the airport before you boarded for L.A. and me for Washington, but you would have seen someone else in an airport.”

“And from how I, obsessed with movies and TV, died from something that usually only happens in movies and TV.”

Annie nodded and picked up one of her drinks (she wasn’t sure which one) and sipped while avoiding eye contact.

“And we both arrived at the same destination,” he added.

Silence.

“It’s all good though.”

Annie perked up “You’re not mad about dying early.”

“I’m a little disappointed I didn’t get to do more, but, to quote _Slaughterhouse-Five_ : ‘So it goes.’”

Annie giggled “Since when do you read Vonnegut?”

“Never. I watched the 1972 movie then Janet helped me make a simulation so I could experience Tralfamadorian Time. You can go through it if you want. It really helps you visualize Jeremy Bearimy if you don’t already get it.” his glance went askew “Except the dot in the ‘i.’ I’m still working on that part.”

Annie nodded and her voice went high “That might be good.” she scurried up and toward the door “You know, I think I should try it right now. I assume the Dreamatorium works the same way?”

Abed nodded.

Annie scampered into the room and shut the door quickly.

Abed turned to Janet “That’s about how I thought that would go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'all enjoyed! Tell me what y'all think in the comments. Until next time, mes amis!


	3. Chapter 3

“Stop simulation,” Annie said, watching as the scene from the Tralfamadorian human zoo faded. She sighed. She went through the entire simulation two and a half times and came out even more confused about Jeremy Bearimy..

Annie stared the Dreamatorium. On Earth, it had never been a functional thing; it was a place Abed and Troy and she (but usually just Abed) could go and imagine and play pretend. Things happened in there, but they were never real.

This was real.

This was anything she wanted it to be.

This was still made of cardboard and masking tape despite this.

She reached for the doorknob before freezing. Anything could happen in here. Anything could be simulated here.

She took a deep breath and headed for the cardboard panel on the wall. She pressed one of the fake buttons.

“Execute simulation Annie/Jeff…” she tried to think of what else Abed would say before giving up (the Dreamatorium would know what she means) “The last night of school our first year at Greendale.” a beat “Without Leonard in the bushes.”

The scene spread from wall to wall as yellow and black phased into a moonlit night by concrete steps. A Jeff from over a decade before appeared in a haphazard suit.

Jeff walked up to Annie, clearly confused to see her “ _ _I thought you left__?”

“I couldn’t go,” Annie froze and yelled upward “Could we actually skip forward a little bit?”

A wave of static went over the room as a later scenario was rendered.

“ _ _So do you try to evolve, or do you try to know what you are?__ ”

“ _ _I don’t know__ ,” she said, quoting herself from that vivid night “ _ _I wish I could live two lives__.” she swallowed, there were things she needed out of her system “One could’ve gone to the FBI and the other could’ve stayed here...with you.”

“ _ _One of me could be back with Slater and the other could try it with Britta. Then we could all get together for some weird foursome.__ ”

“Stop!”

The scene froze. Tears rolled down her cheeks. It was just a simulation. An exact replica of the night as she remembered it with Jeff’s same words.

“Could I just have the kiss?”

The world restarted and she leaned in. He accepted her lips. She was filled with the same thrill and thoughts. She pulled back.

She looked at Jeff. He had a dopey face like she was another teen in love. He leaned in and consumed her lips with his and her body in his arms.

She pulled away “Stop simulation!”

The scene faded as she put her head in her hands. It wasn’t right. She knew it wasn’t the same way she knew she should go to the first kiss and not the last: it told her there could be more and not that it was time to move on.

She straightened her dress and wiped her tears, leaving the Dreamatorium for real this time.

She saw Abed sitting on the couch watching __Inspector Spacetime__ with Janet.

“Hope I didn’t take too long in there,” Annie smiled as the door closed behind her.

“It’s no big deal. I took the time to attend two of the San Diego Comic Cons I missed.”

Annie gave an awkward laugh “I guess you can do anything with __Jeremy Bearimy__ __time__.” She waved her hands sarcastically at the last few words, glad to know that Abed was not picking up on her discomfort.

“No, I told Janet to let time run like it does on Earth until you get out.”

“Why?”

“I wanted to see how long you’d be in there. The answer,”—he pointed at Janet.

“146 hours,” she chimed.

“6 days 2 hours.”

Annie went stoneface.

“You must have been having a good time in there.”

She nodded “It was amazing. Very...lifelike.”

He nodded nonchalantly “You should move here.”

Annie shifted “What?”

“You could probably get a Dreamatorium for your own place, but always liked it when you lived here. It could give us an excuse to be __Inspector Spacetime__ and, despite the well produced Good Place produced seasons where he travels the universe with a Janet, I miss having a Constable Minerva.” he turned to Janet “No offense Janet.”

“I cannot be offended.”

“I like that about you.”

“I’m flattered.”

The reset and awaited Annie’s answer.

Annie glanced at the Dreamatorium then at Abed and Janet.

“Sounds great, but where can my room be if the Dreamatorium is there?”

Abed turned to Janet “Could you make that closet in the hall the Dreamatorium and have Annie’s room take its place?”

__Ping!_ _

Abed turned back to Annie “Problem solved.”

* * *

Neither Jeff nor Britta knew what compelled them to join a book club, boredom, loneliness, the gnawing obligation to do something “grown up” for a change. They just wished they had joined two months ago when the book was _The Da Vinci Code_ and not _The Five People You Meet in Heaven_.

Britta had been squatting at his place the past few months. She initially claimed it was so her apartment could be fumigated, but he knew the truth: her parents had passed and her meager school counselor paycheck from Greendale was not enough for anything real. Now she was curled up in her stupid therapist glasses (now simple reading glasses). Jeff, relenting to the grey and experimenting with the silver fox look, lounged on the adjacent couch.

“I like the idea of an afterlife for everyone,” Britta said as she put her book aside “This way I get to look Shirley in the eyes and say ‘Ha!’”

Jeff snickered “The way I see it, it’s a book about a guy discovering he unknowingly killed 3 people and having to face them.” Jeff stopped speaking before saying _Before spending the rest of eternity with the woman who died too soon._

Jeff’s phone began to buzz and he absently answered while Britta spoke.

“I don’t think I’m gonna finish it.”

Jeff’s face turned grim “Thank you, I’m, uh, how?”

Silence.

“Thank you. I’ll tell Britta.”

Jeff hung up.

“Who was that?”

“That was Andre.”

“Shirley’s ex? What did he want?”

“He wanted us to know that Shirley died last night.”

Britta blinked “What?”

“She apparently was having some chest pain last night, assumed it was something she ate and went to bed.” he paused, eyes glossed “It was a heart attack.”

Britta hesitated “Well I’m definitely not finishing that book.”

“I won’t either then.” closed the book and set it aside, neglecting to tell Britta that it was his second time through it.

* * *

As an atheist and an agnostic, the AME funeral was deeply uncomfortable.

Jeff threw the handful of dirt on the lowered casket with Britta, thanked her three sons and made their way back to Jeff’s old Honda.

Jeff closed the driver’s side door and buckled up, staring at the dash in shock. Shirley was only three years older than him, and she had gotten married, had kids, made a business, lived a long full, nearly picket fence life.

Jeff wasn’t aware of what he was saying until it came out of his mouth.

“Marry me.”

Britta groaned “Jeff, you're just trying to spin off into something safe. You’re just saying this because Shirley dying means that over half the study group is dead.” Britta froze. She had never thought of it that way before “Over half the study group is dead,” she mumbled “And soon we’ll all be dead.”

“I mean, we already live together. We should get married now or else we might never.”

“Jeff! You aren’t listening to me! You don’t love me. I don’t even think you like having sex with me. All marriage is going to do is ruin whatever this is.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do know that. We’ve tried to get married twice: once at Shirley’s wedding and again when we thought Greendale was becoming a sandwich school. Neither stuck because there wasn’t love there.”

Jeff ran his hand through his hair “This might be the first time a guy’s been happy to be friend zoned.”

Britta laughed and playfully punched him “You know I love you. It just ain’t romantic.”

Jeff nodded “I care about you too.”

Jeff started the car and turned out of the cemetery. In his head, he knew that her being three years older than him in no way meant that he was going to die in three years, but the thought didn’t leave him.

_What can I do in three years?_


	4. Chapter 4

One of the issues with growing old is how often you forget about it.

“I just feel like I’m forgetting something,” Britta said as she leaned against the counter to the kitchen, drinking a glass of boxed wine. 

“I’m sure you’ll remember it later,” Jeff said, not even looking up from his phone.

“It was important.” Britta took another sip of wine. She had been forgetting things more easily lately, not in the worrisome way, just in the inconvenient way.

“Did you check the alarms on your phone?” he said absently.

“I did, but the only one I could find was one for an hour ago that said ‘take pill.’”

“I’m sure you’ll remember later.”

Britta rolled her eyes “Well you’re a big help.”—she finished off the last few drops of wine— “Well, I’m gonna grab myself another glass from the back. You want one?”

“No thanks.”

He heard the Britta walk off into the garage to get a drink from the white fridge that the previous owners had left behind. He heard glass break.

Jeff froze as he suddenly remembered what Britta had forgotten to __not__ do.

* * *

One thing that Annie enjoyed about the Good Place was that she was able to sit still without guilt or worry that she was being unproductive. Of course, she was still cramming every second with a new thing, but it was nice to have that option.

Annie walked alongside Abed as she rushed through the busy streets of London. She tried to wait up for him and Janet as she wandered and toured the city, but usually found herself several paces ahead of him.

“I checked the guidebook,” she began as she reached toward Janet, who instinctually materialized the requested book “And it says that, in Buckingham Palace, they can materialize a room with ever corgi Queen Elizabeth ever owned. I was thinking we could do that then grab a bite to eat at Rules. It’s the oldest restaurant in London.”

“That sounds nice,” Abed gave a gentle smile “But I was wondering if Janet and I could actually break away for a bit.”

“Is this you trying to hold of us recreating the horse race scene from __My Fair Lady__ because Janet could make you great at—”

“It’s not that; I’m secretly amazing at song and dance. I had just planned on recreating a few scenes from __An American Werewolf in London__ with Janet.”

“Oh.”

“We can be back by the time you’re done with the dogs thanks to Jeremy Bearimy.”

Annie nodded “You go have fun with Janet. We can meet at the restaurant afterwards.”

Abed nodded at Annie before turning to Janet “Directions?”

With a ping, a blue line appeared on the sidewalk, stretching behind Abed and parting the crowd.

“Race you.” Abed took off in a sprint and Janet ran alongside him, somehow keeping pace while wearing heels and keeping her arms in front of her the whole time.

Seeing them run made it click for Annie: Janet was Abed’s...someone. She didn’t know what they called each other, but they seemed to be each other’s someone.

And everybody needs someone.

* * *

The first thing Britta realized when she woke up was not the fact she was no longer in the garage but that her back pain had inexplicably returned. 

Gentle sunbeams cut through paper blinds onto Jeff’s troubled visage. Britta tried to grin away her own worries “Morning.”

“We should have removed all the alcohol from the house,” Jeff said distantly “The doctor prescribed the muscle relaxants indefinitely. There was no reason for us to have any.”

Britta puffed “Jeff, I’ve barely been on them a week.. It’s no big deal. I’ll be back to normal in no time!”

Jeff ran his hand through his hair.

“I __will__ be back to normal in no time.”

“Yes and no, Britta. It’s just,” Jeff rubbed his temples, more to avoid eye contact than anything “They had to put a pacemaker in you.”

Britta pulled at the shoulder of her hospital garb and stared at the horizontal stitches.

“I read up on it. It’ll just be little things like avoiding magnets and being careful with your phone and—”

“How did this happen?”

“Your heart slowed and wouldn’t bounce back so—.”

“That’s great but I mean”—she gestured at her whole body— “ _ _This__.” She ran her hand through her silver hair. She had never dyed it out of protest, ranting about how women should be allowed to age gracefully or respecting one’s elders when someone brought it up. This was her life now. A middle aged anarchist with one friend.

There was a knock at the door. Britta sighed, she was not ready for a doctor to come in and rehash what Jeff said while showing off all the words he learned in grad school.

“Come in,” she grumbled.

And a ghost appeared at the door.

Troy’s smile hadn’t changed, only gained a few crinkles. His hair was not quite dreads, but disheveled enough that he could make them dreads in the coming days if he wished. In his hands was a bouquet of daisies.

“Hey.”

Britta blinked. She was still friends with Troy, but in the old people way, the send each other Christmas cards way, the call for an hour once a year way,

Not the hop on a plane because of a pacemaker way.

“If I’m interrupting, I can—”

“No! Come on in!” Britta gestured are the vinyl chair in the corner “Pull up a chair.”

“Jeff called me a bit panicked last night.” Troy said as he pulled the chair close enough to sit with the gang.

Jeff turned to Britta “I called after I found you unconscious. I didn’t know what was wrong or what would happen when you went back.”

“A hospital reunion,” Britta grimaced as she grabbed the flowers to sniff “How soap opera.”

“Abed would be proud, wouldn’t he?” Troy said, unconsciously turning his head down a bit.

Jeff and Britta nodded. The older you got, the easier it was to talk about lost friends.

“I’m glad you came,” Britta half smiled “Even if it ended up only being a pacemaker.”

Troy laughed under his breath “Lucky me.”

Jeff watched the banter between them. He let his lips creep up, pleased he had realized what this was first:

To Britta, it was an unwanted trip with an unwanted bill for an unwanted device. To Troy, it was a much needed excuse to come back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of your comments have been so amazing and I am ecstatic to have all of you reading! Thank you, mes amis!


	5. Chapter 5

Annie and Abed stared straight at the door shifting. It had been the two of them waiting for so long that they had nearly forgotten that the rest of the study group was not just hanging out in another part of the Good Place.

“How different do you think she’ll be?” Annie asked Abed as she twiddled with her thumbs.

“I don’t know. I never actually went through the system.”

“I did,” Annie paused “It can get pretty intense at times. At one point they had me realize I was in the Bad Place to force me onto a different track.”

“That sounds rough, but you are mostly the same as the last time I saw you.”

“Yes, but Shirley had decades after us to develop. What if she—”

“Annie,” Abed put his hand on her shoulder “If there is one thing I know about the study group, it’s that we may change as a person, but we are going to keep the same handful of traits for consistency’s sake.”

Annie gave a wry smile.

_Ping!_

They put on a happy demeanor as the doorknob turned.

Shirley stood in the doorway with Janet’s hand on her shoulder for a mere moment before outstretching her arms and running up to Annie.

“Anniieee!” she squealed. She turned to Abed “Abed.”

“Hey, Shirley,” Abed gave a slight wave in lieu of a hug.

“It’s so good to see you two,” she put one hand on each of their shoulders and took them in. While Annie and Abed were still young, Shirley showed subtle signs of age: smile and laugh lines, thinner hair, slight sag of skin (though that last one could be due to some weight she had clearly lost). She didn’t necessarily look _older_ , just more relaxed, more comfortable.

“It’s good to see you, too,” Annie pulled Shirley in for another hug.

“I can’t tell you how happy I was when I found out you two weren’t burning in hell.”

_There it is_ , thought Annie.

“And you’re fine with that, right?” Annie said gently as she leaned in “I mean, this isn’t the paved-with-gold place for the righteous you were expecting.”

Shirley’s face darkened “Sure finding out that everything I learned going to church every week for 62 years was rough,”—she waved her hand and her cheerfulness returned— “But it’s what I needed. Yes, being right would’ve been nice, but then you guys would be burning in Hell forever,”—she shifted before saying aside—“And I don’t know what I’d do with that survivor’s guilt.”

“You have to tell us what happened after we died,” Annie said as she guided her friend to the couch “How’s your family? How’s the study group?”

“Well,” Shirley put her purse on her lap as she sat “After living in Atlanta for a bit taking care of my dad, I came back to Greendale to find that Britta had completely killed Shirley’s Sandwiches. I snapped, she fired back, Jeff took her side…” she trailed off “There was a three, four year gap where I didn’t talk to either of them.”

“I’m so sorry,” Annie put her arm on Shirley.

“No, it turned out for the best. Me being so alone for a while there is what got me to rethink things. I tried again with Andre but as friends. I initially did it for the kids’ sake, but he ended up being the one to convince me to reach out to the group again because you know that Jeff and Britta are too stubborn for their own good and would never have reached out on their own.”

“What about Troy?” Abed butted in.

“I haven’t seen Troy in years,” Shirley confessed “He just kind of wandered off. I know he’s not on the boat with LeVar Burton anymore because he made some more _Reading Rainbow_ episodes, but last time I saw him he was visiting me in Atlanta.”

Abed fell. Janet snuck up behind him and wordlessly pinged him a mug of special drink.

Shirley looked around, desperately seeking a conversation piece to use as a topic change “So are you two living together?”

Annie perked up “Oh! Yeah.”

“That’s nice.”

Silence.

“I have my own house in my own neighborhood,” Shirley wiggled a bit with glee “Janet told me that the pantry is the size of that kitchen.”

“It’s actually four square feet larger,” Janet corrected.

“Like I said, it’s the size of that kitchen.” a beat “The first thing I’m going to make is little baby cheesecakes with a raspberry on them for all of you.”

“Awwwww,” said Annie.

“Can’t eat,” said Janet.

Abed silently took another sip of his drink. He supposed he could ask Janet what Troy had been up to, but that wasn’t the same. She had never met Troy. As Annie and Shirley’s conversation drifted into the background, he couldn’t help but wonder if the current Troy was still the one he knew back at Greendale.

* * *

Britta’s leg bounced as she took another sip of her green tea. The action was about to drive Jeff insane (and not just because it was faster than the ticking of the clock in the den).

Jeff put his hands on the kitchen table, white knuckled and interlaced, trying to get enough tension out of them that he could reach out and hold Britta’s.

“I just don’t see how either of us noticed sooner,” Britta said, sounding almost normal “I mean, my throat’s been hurting over a month. Strep throat doesn’t last over a month.”

Jeff nodded.

“All of the symptoms are there.”

“You didn’t know to look for them.”

“I should have!” she snapped.

The clock ticked from the other room.

“I smoked for a decade, I drank almost daily until my 50s, family history thanks to my mom.” A beat “I’m a perfect storm.”

“Don’t blame yourself for this. You heard what the doctor said: throat cancer has different symptoms from other cancers. You _were_ looking for the signs.”

Britta nodded absently.

“Besides, you’re _barely_ in stage two. This whole thing could be over in a few months.”

“Yeah,” Britta perked up “This isn’t gonna be what takes me down. I’m gonna die...punching a fascist or saving a bus full of starving orphans.”

“That’s the Britta I know,” Jeff rose “Come on, let’s go get some lunch.”

“Don’t you have to get back to Greendale?”

“Come on, Britta, those kids are learning more about law by going out into the world and committing crimes than they are in my class. Besides,” Jeff grinned.

Britta chimed in as she had a hundred times.

“Tenure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed, mes amis! -x


	6. Chapter 6

Jeff picked up the cardboard drink holder with three coffees labeled _Geff, Brittle,_ and _Troy_ , niggled by how the baristas always got Troy’s name right but not he or Britta’s despite being regulars the past four years.

He made his way out the door toward Greendale. Life was slower now, giving him more time to do things like walk to work (or maybe he was just showing off the fact he didn’t need a cane). They were all together at Greendale again: He taught law, Britta was the counselor (despite pleas from the doctor to rest more than she did during her first round of chemo), Troy was vice dean at the air conditioning repair school (which, from a distance, looked like he did nothing).

He finally got his season 7.

He started across the street to Britta’s office for their morning ritual.

Jeff felt a sudden pain at his side.

* * *

It’s funny how little rhythms change after death.

Annie and Abed sat on their couch, eating noodles and continuing their binge of every Batman media ever created.

They watched as the kooky, 1960s Joker stepped into a furry yellow car with Catwoman.

“I get that Batmobile,” Annie began “But why would someone put fur on a car? Wouldn’t it be hard to wash?”

“I always assumed she never washed it because cats hate water.” He took another bite of buttered noodles.

“I love Catwoman and Eartha Kitt did a good job and all but--” Annie paused.

“What is it?”

“I haven’t seen Pierce yet,” she said, clearly piecing things together in her head “He died before us, so he should have gotten here before us. Right?”

“He’s still going through the program. He was pretty racist.”

Annie nodded absently “Janet?”

_Ping!_

“How is Pearce doing in the Bad Place?”

“Pearce is,” Janet blinked “That’s strange. It says he’s not in the Bad Place.”

“Could he have come here without you knowing?” asked Annie.

“Janet knows everything,” Abed said matter of factly “She’d have known and told us.”

“Pause movie,” Annie said, letting silence fill the room.

“You’re thinking something.”

“He did it. Didn’t he, Janet?”

“Pierce Hawthorne is in the Medium Place.”

“What’s the Medium Place?” Abed leaned in, excited to have a new place to potentially visit.

“Back in the ‘80s there was a woman named Mindy that the Good Place and Bad Place couldn’t agree on, so they created a Medium Place for her. I never went there.”--she turned to Janet-- “Is he okay?”

Janet paused “I think he will be.”

* * *

_Maybe I should have just stayed in the Good Place/Bad Place whatever_ Pearce thought after walking less than three blocks off the train. He really shouldn’t have been shocked; after all, he was “Pearce the Dickish.”

There had to be something other than desert. Even if the Afterlife was infinite, there was no point in wasting space like this.

He squinted against the sunlight. There was a beige house in the distance that barely stood out against the rest of the desert.

“Someplace to rest, at least,” Pearce muttered as he trudged along.

He let himself into the bungalow and and plopped down on the couch in the floyer. 

“Ah, look.”

Pearce perked up to see a thirty-something brunette in an aqua pantsuit in the kitchen.

She grimaced “A visiter who felt the need to come in without knocking.”

“I’m sorry, I was just--”

“Fleeing the Bad Place? I get that all the time,” she paused “So, what’s your deal?”

“The name’s Pierce Hawthorne,” he extended his hand proudly.

“Mindy St. Clair,” she said lackluster, giving her corporate lawyer handshake.

“Like the Mindy St. Clair Rescue Alliance? We used to make donations to that whenever we got bad publicity.”

“That was my sister’s work; she just used my money,” a beat “‘We’ as in Hawthorne Wipes?”

“The same.”

Mindy perked up “That is the only thing under the sink here; they were just average enough to get through.”

“Glad to hear we are the exclusive wipes of the Medium Place,” he grinned, oblivious to the dig as always. He shifted on the couch so that he was leaning against the couch with one arm on the back “So, come here often?”

“It’s my house,” she said unamused.

“Oh, then,”--he leaned in even more-- “Are you a camera, because I smile when I look at you.”

“You are lucky I am just desperate enough for that to work on me,” she said sitting down next to him.

“So this is the Medium Place?” he said looking around.

“Yep, it was way better back when I still had coke.”

“I believe it. I remember I once spent a year doing coke with John Denver off the Coast of Belize.

“That sounds like it led to some fun stories,” she reached her hand under the couch and pulled out two beers and handed one to Pearce.

Pearce stared at her askance.

“All the beer here is warm so there’s no point in having it in the fridge if I’m gonna drink it on the couch.”

“You sound like an intelligent woman,” he said as they used the table in front of them to pop of their caps.

“I used to be a corporate lawyer in the ‘80s.”

“Ahh, the ‘80s,” Pierce leaned back “I banged Eartha Kitt in an airplane restroom back in the ‘80s.”

Mindy rolled her eyes and took a gulp of beer.

“You don’t by any chance have a Janet, do you?”

“Nah, just Derek.”

_Ping!_

“You called.”

Pierce flinched at the floating blue head that had materialized in the center of the room.

“You don’t have to pop in every time your mentioned, _Derek_ ,” Mindy rose from her seat and walked over to a red button on a pole in the corner of the room “It kinda ruins a date.”

She slammed her hand on the button.

* * *

Britta stared bleary eyed at nothing as Troy gave her a green tea and sat next to her on his couch. There was no way she could go back to her and Jeff’s shared place now that it was only hers.

“This doesn’t make sense,” Britta said “I was supposed to die first. I know I’m younger than him but...y’know,” she gestured at her neck.

“Yeah…” 

“Greendale is supposed to be safe; you’re supposed to be able to cross the street without a Honda coming out of nowhere.”

Troy was silent.

Britta began to tear up “I know we were never _together_ , but we were together almost 35 years…” she paused “I feel like a widow.”

Troy nodded.

“I’m alone now--well, you're here--but…” she searched for words “He’s just...gone, and he’ll always be gone.”

Troy stayed silent.

“Say something!” she snapped, unsure as to why.

“I should never have gotten on that boat,” he said flatly.

“What?”

“I did it for the money, not to become a man like Pierce wanted, and all it did was deprive me of you guys.”

Britta blinked a few times. She didn’t know what she wanted, something to not think about, she guessed, and this wasn’t it.

“Jeff is the first person I will actually get to go to the funeral of.” he said flatly “Abed I was on the boat, Annie was buried the day after and I was stuck on the other side of the country, and with Shirley I was just too afraid to come back and see how few of us there were left.”

“And now it's just us.”

Britta rose from the couch shakily.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m going to bed,” Britta said, turning and walking down the sunlit hall “It’s been a long morning.”

“The guest bedroom is--”

“I’ll find it myself,” she said halfheartedly.

She opened a door on her left.

Troy sighed “That’s the garage.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Hope I balanced the feel good with the tears this chapter. Thanks for reading, Mes Amis!


	7. Chapter 7

“Come, Minerva!” Abed said, adjusting his bowler hat while poking his head out of a red phone booth “Constable Janet is in trouble and we don’t have much… space.”

“Tally ho!” said Annie, running into the booth, letting her golden dress flow behind her. The head writer on the original series had finally entered the Good Place and had written a new series (a staggering 8 episodes) and Janet had been kind enough to convert them into a Dreamatorium program.

The two of them exited the booth to find half a dozen Blorgons had appeared, creating a cordon around a barely phased Janet.

“ _Eradicate!_ ” the Blorgons exclaimed.

“Stop simulation.” Janet said flatly. The battle scene fell and was replaced with a yellow and black grid.

Abed shifted “What is it, Janet?”

“Jeff has entered the Afterlife.”

Their faces lit up.

“When will he be here?” Abed asked.

“Unknown, he has to go to the Bad Place first, but Annie asked me to tell her whenever Jeff entered the Afterlife.”

Annie blushed, but Abed was too focused on Janet to notice.

“So that just leaves Britta and Troy. I know it sounds bad, but I hope Troy dies first.”

Annie giggled, positively giddy “No, Abed, it doesn’t sound bad. It sounds like you miss him.”

“I do. I thought that was obvious, like how you miss Jeff.”

“I miss _everybody_ , Abed,” she said as she took off her gold headpiece “It’s not like I’m constantly thinking about him.”

“Janet,”--Abed turned to Janet-- “Did Annie ask you to inform her of anyone else entering the Afterlife?”

“Specific requests can only be accessed by those who made them.”

“So what if I didn’t!” Annie snapped “I was curious. I wanted to know. I wanted to have a heads up when throwing him a small but well thought out Welcome to the Good Place party.”

Abed blinked “I may not be the best at social cues, but I think you’ve missed Jeff more than the rest of the study group.”

* * *

WELCOME! EVERYTHING IS FINE.

Jeff was immediately suspicious. Fine was a word people used to avoid acknowledging an actual problem. 

He went for his phone to find his pockets empty, but more disturbing was what he did feel.

Good.

He felt _good_.

His eyes traced his body. The gnawing pain in his elbows from leaning on them while texting was gone, and new muscles wrapped in taut skin. Meaty hands went to his face to feel smooth skin. 

All those years of five hundred dollar face cream and working out meant he had aged well, but this… this was actual youth.

He paused, unsure of when 30-something became youth.

A door opened and a tall woman in a stylish suit and peacock feather bow tie popped out “Hello, Jeff, come on in.”

Jeff followed the woman cautiously before taking his place opposite of her at her desk.

“How am I young?”

“Oh,” the woman rearranged some papers on the desk “Sorry, usually the first question is ‘where am I?”

“Where am I?”

“You, Jeff,” she grinned as lightly as her British accent “have died and are now in The Good Place. You are young because, on Earth, you enjoyed being young more than you enjoyed being old, so I decided to make you young.” She grinned, proud of her own idea.

“Okay…” he said suspiciously “And you are?”

“My name is Tahani, and I am the Architect that built your Good Place neighborhood.”

“Yeah, it’s nice,” Jeff leaned in “You said I’m in the Good Place?”

“Yes. It may be my first neighborhood but I hope it still feels like a small slice of heaven.”

Jeff paused. There were a lot of questions but he had no idea how much time there was. 

“Where's Annie? Annie Edison?”

The chipper woman’s smile didn’t waver “We only let people see the recently deceased in their neighborhood for the first year. We find it helps people to have alone time to accept their death more than being bombarded with every person you’ve ever met that’s died.” 

It was a lie. Jeff could tell from his time as a lawyer when someone was lying, yes, but more importantly he knew that his Good Place was not a quaint neighborhood with two hundred strangers. It was his friends. It was the study group. It was Annie.

A disturbing thought crept into his mind he couldn’t quite push away.

“Is there anything specific I did that got me in here or was it more general?”

A screen appeared in front of Tahani “It says here that you were a good person but it was your three year stint teaching in the Congo village and donating a kidney to a stranger that qualified you.”

Jeff went pale.

_I don’t belong here._

* * *

Despite the protests, Britta had opted to move into the guest bedroom of Troy’s house (which was apparently upstairs), mentioning how it was temporary and she could still take care of herself.

Both knew it was a lie

Britta was told by the doctor when she was first diagnosed with cancer that a positive outlook and willingness to fight would help her. It sounded like bull at the time, but Jeff was there to help and they got through it together. She ended up clear for almost three years.

Jeff was not here now. The cancer was.

Troy was essentially keeping her from wandering off to a die like one of her one eyed cats.

Britta laid down on the couch, letting Troy brush her thinning hair away from her face. It had been a rough few weeks, and Britta had seldom let go of the simple, stainless steel urn.

“You feel up to food?” Troy said gently.

Britta nodded. She could barely swallow now, let alone speak, and that lump in her throat never left her.

Troy slipped his lap out from under Britta’s head and went to grab his keys.

“I was thinking milkshakes. Smooth, cool, perfect when I had my tonsils out. How does that sound?”

She smiled wryły as she forced herself upright. She was dying soon, but she was not dying alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a sad chapter, but I hope you all enjoyed it, mes amis. Thank you all for reading!


	8. Chapter 8

Troy stared at the ceiling. Last night, he had officially become Pierce: old, alone, empty as the opulent house he lived in.

He was an endling now. 

He took a moment to tilt his head toward the jar of Jeff. He knew he shouldn’t call it that, but he had said ‘urine’ instead of urn once in front of Britta and couldn’t stand the jokes she would make. He had to come up with something more fun to say to keep the jokes at bay. They were embarrassing, but more importantly disrespectful.

It was almost worse than ‘baggle.’

Troy’s joints creaked and he pushed himself upright. He had been a football star once, but that was a good half century ago; the thing that made him think he'd be healthy forever is likely what caused all the aches and pains. He gave a final thrust to get to his feet. He may have been old, but wasn’t going to stop now.

He had a class to attend.

* * *

This kind of lying was different to Jeff. He had made the habit of drawing a bubble around the truth on the first day of each semester to demonstrate to his new students how absurd the idea was, how there were no real absolutes, how you can only lose if you pick a side.

He was wrong. There were absolutes. There was a Good Place and a Bad Place. There was truth. 

He had done bad, but that didn’t mean he was bad. He could totally live here undetected if he was good.

Right?

He could still do good. He would be here for real if he hadn’t fallen so far behind all the other good folks during his fake lawyer days.

That was it.

Jeff sat on the pristine white couch in the house that was a carbon copy of the one he and Britta had lived in for over three decades.

But this house has no Britta. This place had no one he became good for. 

So how could he become good?

“Alexa?” He said.

Nothing happened.

What was the woman’s name? 

“Janet?”

_Ping!_

“What can I do for you?” chimes the stewardess not-woman.

“Can anyone access what I say to you?”

“No, all requests are private, so what kind of—“

“How to be good,” he blurted out, not letting Janet finish.

Janet held out a hardcover book. He took it and scanned the cover.

_The Moral Life by Chidi Anagonye_

That was it. He turned it over and there was nothing. All there was on the book were the white on green words in the same font as the WELCOME! EVERYTHING IS FINE. font.

“What gives this guy the right to say what’s good?” Jeff said as he turned to the back book jacket.

_Beloved philosopher Chidi Anagonye, widely regarded to be one of the top five most important humans to ever live, shows in his final work exactly what makes someone belong in the Good Place._

“Apparently that does.”

He eyed the daunting width of the book, trying to remember the last book he had read.

“Hey, Janet?”

“Yes.”

“Do you have Audible here?”

_Ping!_

“The Moral Life,” came a voice from nowhere “read and written by Chidi Anagonye.”

* * *

“How is he doing?” Tahani said as she leaned over Glenn’s shoulder at the monitor.

“He’s reading the book,” Glenn took off his headphones and smiled brightly, letting his ivory teeth peep out from behind his beard.

Tahani gave a slight laugh as she handed Glenn his vanilla antimatter “He must be loving that.” —she took a sip of her macchiato— “I know betting can be uncouth”

“It’s not.”

“But I bet he won’t even finish before his 80th attempt.”

Glenn scanned the monitor before outstretching his hand “It’ll be at least his 100th.”

They shook.

Tahani blinked “He stopped reading the book, didn’t he?”

“Two seconds before we shook.”

Tahani sighed as she straightened up “I guess I better start planning the welcome party.” a beat “Making chaos is hard work.”

“Maybe bait him into being an environmental lawyer; everyone sliding around in an oil slick sounds like fun to me.”

“You’re the best, Glenn.”

Tahani went to exit.

“Hey, wait.”

She turned back to find Glenn was already wearing the headphones again.

“Jeff just mentioned offhand something about a ‘Darkest Timeline.’ Is that from a movie?”

Tahani went back to Glenn’s desk “I don’t believe so, and I would know. Francis Ford Coppola taught me how to direct so I could make the biopic about my life.”

He removed his headphones again “Janet?”

_Ping!_

A blond Bad Place Janet appeared, eyes glued to her phone.

“What do you want, dork?”

“Could you tell me anything about a Darkest Timeline?”

A file appeared midair so that it fell onto the floor.

“Thank you, Janet,” Glenn smiled wider, if that was possible.

“Whatever.”

_Ping!_

Tahani lifted the file and began to read aloud.

“The Darkest Timeline is one of seven hypothetical alternate timelines created by Jeff Winger rolling a die in a 2011 dinner party in a failed attempt to avoid getting a pizza. In this timeline, all attendees become the worst versions of themselves and one, Pierce Hawthorne, _died_.”

“That can’t be real, we would have been filed under S for Selfish Acts or N for Near Misses.”

“It was filed under R for ‘Remedial’ for some reason,” she scanned the pages “Showing Jeff the worst possible version of himself...I think we might have something new here.” 

Tahani scurried out of the room.

“Where are you going?” Glenn yelled down the hall.

“I told you, Glenn, I have a party to plan!”


	9. Chapter 9

“ _Rooooox-anne!_ ” 

The voice of Sting blared from everywhere 

" _You don’t have to put on the red light!_ ”

Jeff looked up at the giant flying pizza slices soaring through the sky before leaping out of the way to avoid a herd of giant giraffes.

“ _Those days are over. You don't have to sell your body to the night_.”

The residents, all in yellow and blue zigzags scurried about, most trying to avoid a giant stone ball like from _Indiana Jones_.

“ _Rooooox-anne!_ ”

Jeff saw Tahani leap out of the way of the ball. He ran out to help her back up.

“Tahani! What’s happening? Is any of this supposed to be happening 

“ _You don't have to wear that dress tonight_.”

“Good question! No! No it is not! There shouldn’t be a giraffes or pizza or matching outfits on everyone but you…” she trailed off as they both looked down at his Greendale tee shirt.

“ _Walk the streets for money. You don't care if it's wrong or if it's right_.”

A Norwegian troll fell from the sky in front of them, aflame

“We should run,” Jeff said as the troll rolled over.

“Yes!”

Jeff and Tahani bolted in the same direction as a giant fork plunged itself into the grass.

“ _Rox-annnne!”_

* * *

Nothing much happened to Troy these days. 

He had a live-in nurse now, so the house was not completely empty. One or twice a month he would stop by the air conditioning repair school and do a demonstration, barely enough dexterity left in his fingers to fix one anymore, but, after all these years, it didn’t stop him from being the Truest Repairman. He didn’t feel like he had done much to “repair man” in his life, but he would be leaving whatever he had left to the school.

It would give people a skill. It would give people stability.

There weren’t really people to talk with these days, but he still managed to fill his time with nostalgia like _Farscape_ and the old _Inspector Spacetime_ serials.

He watched the Inspector rush around the cardboard set.

“ _Constable Reggie_ ,” the Inspector said as he lifted his quantum spanner “ _I haven’t the space to explain now, but I need you to take this and the Timebooth to find Minerva._ ”

“ _But what about you_?” Reggie gasped as he was handed the device.

“ _Don’t worry about me. Across time, across space, we will reunite. You, me, and Minerva_.”

Reggie stepped into the Timebooth and it disappeared before _To Be Continued_ popped up on the screen.

Troy sighed. He liked to believe that. He hadn’t been taught to believe it but liked the idea.

Troy let his eyes drift closed. It was barely noon, but he had just felt tired lately. 

He thought about Abed and Annie and all his other friends as he let out a sigh. They all had different backgrounds, but perhaps there was some way they _would_ reunite.

After all, what was Heaven without the people?

* * *

“This is not okay,” Tahani said as she stared at Jeff’s normal clothes “You being at the dinner party last night cause all this chaos.”

“I think you’re being a bit dramatic.”

“I heard you call me a giraffe, Jeff!” she snapped.

“I wasn’t saying it as an insult, just as a joke.”

She shifted on her legs “I need to tell Shawn.”

“Shawn? I thought you were in charge?” He looked down at Tahani. She was about a head shorter than him but, as a six foot four man, that was not a common thing to see.

“No, I made this neighborhood but I’m not in charge of the entire Afterlife. If he finds out that I made a mistake in selecting, then I’ll be sent right back to the bottom of the ladder.”

Jeff looked at her lip quiver on her crestfallen face. She was being melodramatic, true, but he didn’t doubt for a second that it would happen. He’d been a lawyer; he knew what happened when someone lost a big case or client.

“We’ve established that I don’t belong here, so why don’t I just take a crash course in good deeds and live here. You don’t get punished and I get to stay because are you _really_ that much better if you send a decent guy who made a few mistakes in his twenties to eternal fire and brimstone?”

Tahani bit her lip “I’d be risking a lot. I could be forced to retire if Shawn discovers I didn’t report you.”

He put his hands on his shoulders “I can be good. I even started that moral book.”

“ _The Moral Life_ by _Chidi Anagonye_ ,” she muttered “He was a good friend of mine.” She sighed “Fine, you can stay for now, but you need to look like the rest of us. Janet!”

_Ping!_

Janet’s beaming face appeared, hardly enough to distract from the fact her pants suit matched the new zigzag uniform of the other residents.

“Could you please bring Jeff some clothes with the same print as mine?”

The pile of neatly folded clothes blended with Janet’s sleeves.

“Thanks,” he grabbed the clothes and turned back to Tahani “I owe you one. Besides, it’s not like things can get all that much worse, right?”

Tahani gave a rehearsed, uppity laughed “Of course they can. You could have one arm.”

* * *

Annie stared at the TV before her. She honestly wasn’t sure what she was watching at this point just that it had been Janet’s night to choose.

She was _too_ good at picking things they both would like.

“I wonder what Jeff is up to in the Bad Place,” Annie said offhand.

“He’s behind Britta but ahead of Troy,” Janet said as it she in the same tone she used to talk about the weather (then again, it was also the tone she used to talk about conspiracy theories and Corgis).

“Pause movie,” Abed turned to Janet “Troy died?”

“Yes, his Bad Place is being set up as we speak.”

Abed stared at his lap “That’s good news.”

“What is it, Abed?” Annie put her hand on his back “You’ll get to see him again soon.”

“I know, but Britta also being here implies that there isn’t anybody left to mourn him.”

“You don’t know that.” Annie said in a way that sounded more like she was convincing herself “I mean, he could have friends or family,”—she pointed— “That air conditioning repair cult!”

“I guess.”

“Abed,” Janet walked in front of him, this time, her voice was gentle, understanding “You’re allowed to be nervous, but the system doesn’t change people, just polish them.”

“Yeah, but sixty plus years _does_ change people.”

“Things will be okay; some bonds don’t break.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, mes amis, but this chapter is dedicated to all those out there who check to see if this thing has updated daily. I know that thrill and am happy to provide it. Hope everyone enjoyed! -x


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *intensity intensitfies*

__Ding-dong!_ _

Shirley smiled as she opened the front door to her house, a cozy three bedroom bungalow.

“I worried you wouldn’t make it!” Shirley stepped aside so Abed and Annie could enter “I have been cooking all day for this. Follow me to the dining room!”

Abed and Annie stared down at the feast Shirley had created. 

“I didn’t know what Britta likes to eat but knew that Britta was a vegan, so I just started with Abed’s noodles which lead to Italian, which lead to”—Beeping came from the kitchen— “That’s the lasagna.”

In life, Shirley had a severe baking problem. She knew, of course, but stress baking was safer than alcohol. In the Good Place, she could bake for the joy of creating and serve Britta vegan pasta as welcome dinner without trying to bait her with Parmesan chicken.

That is, if she was still vegan after realizing no animals are slaughtered for meat in the Good Place.

Shirley paused as she set down the eight pound lasagna before shaking off the thought.

__That girl will be__.

“Wow, Shirley,” Annie gaped “That’s a _lot_ of food.”

Shirley’s tone fell with her face “It hit me today that Britta was actually coming and I never respected her much in life and wanted to show it.”

“She’s not going to resent you, Shirley,” Abed said like it was obvious “Unless there is a major flaw in the system and she slipped through the cracks.”—Abed looked down and left as he digressed— “If that’s true it’s up to the four of us and Janet to stop it.” 

“Abed!” Annie stage whispered “Not helping.”

__Ping!_ _

“That’s Janet!” Abed made his way to the door with the others in suit.

The knob turned and Britta slipped inside. She looked only slightly older than the last time they were all together.

“Britta!” Annie ran for a hug “I can barely believe it’s you.”

“In the flesh, well, not in the flesh, but I’m not gonna say in the spirit.”

Annie giggled “Same Britta.”

“My turn,” Shirley chimed “I made a bunch of vegan food if you’re still vegan.”

“You know me,” Britta absorbed Shirley’s mom hug “Once I commit…”—she turned her face to look at Abed— “Still not big on touch, I assume?”

“Basically.”

Britta pulled away and scanned the faces. Her face fell “Where’s Jeff?”

“He isn’t here yet,” Janet chimed in, barely out of the doorway.

“I know Jeff is late for everything, but you’d think that Bad Place would’ve done something to help that,” she half joked.

“No, Britta,” Annie bit her lip “He isn’t __here__ yet.”

Britta blinked “But he died before me.”

“And Pierce died before all of us,” Abed tacked on “It’s about becoming the best version of yourself and time has no meaning here, so it could last forever. Unless you’re me; I’ve never even been to the Bad Place.”

The girls went wide eyed.

“I never told you this?”

“No, Abed,” Annie replied “You didn’t.”

* * *

Jeff was still unsure what compelled him to confess. He and Tahani weren’t __close__ , they just both had mutual self preservation instincts. When Tahani announced that she’d be retired because of the “unknown flaw,” he __should__ have stayed down. He rubbed his eyes as he rested his elbows on the aluminium table. Where had all that self preservation gone?

He could think about that a lot now he was sitting in a concrete room in hell.

__Where I belong__ , he thought. 

But something about that didn’t seem quite right. He had this strange feeling of déjà vu, like he’d done these things before and regretted being idle.

The door clicked open and Jeff sighed. Might as well get the flaying over with. He looked up at his torturer’s face and froze.

He saw his face reflected back as Mr. Hyde.

“Jeff Winger,” the Not-Jeff’s words rolled off his tongue like a lawyer sweet talking a judge “I have been waiting for you.”

“You’re me as a lawyer,” Jeff stated, still taking in his own features.

“I like to think of myself as more of an idealized version minus the obvious,” he gestured with his left hand.

Jeff had been too focused on the face to even realize that it was Not-Jeff’s __only__ hand.

“If you’re here to rowl me with some speech about how I can never escape my fake law days it won’t work. I know what I did was a jerkass move and I’ve already moved on.”

Not-Jeff puffed “You honestly think we’d spend that much time on you? I’m everything you could have been. Rich, powerful, happy.”

“I was happy,” Jeff said, not entirely sure how defensively it came out.

“You never got married.”

“I didn’t want to. You see this face in the mirror every day; you know how easy it is to get ladies.”

“But you wanted to.”

“I just said I didn’t.”

Not-Jeff snickered as he got closer and slid into the chair opposite of Jeff “I’ll relent to that, but you did want _someone_.”

Jeff shifted. Where was the fire? The anguish? The endless shrieking? This was just an uncomfortable conversion. It’s not like he was confronting himself for the first time; he did that all the time with his friends at Greendale.

“I know, cheesy. Suave ladies man wants to have sex with just one woman for the rest of his life.”

“What the hell do you know?”

“I know everything, Jeff. I just just look like you; I am you. I’m a different path you could have taken. I’m from the Darkest Timeline that lives in the dot of the ‘i’ of Jeremy Bearimy.”—Not-Jeff leaned in to Jeff’s ear and gave a whisper too loud to belong to a secret— “And I wound up with Annie.”

Jeff went white as a single bead of sweat emerged on his nape “Impossible.”

“Really? Do you think she doesn’t belong with a guy like me or some other chivalrous crap? I got news for you. She loves bad boys and dirtbags!”

Jeff snapped “That’s impossible because she __died__!”

“You had a decade to try and didn’t! Why?”

Jeff rose in an attempt to gain power only to end up pacing the room “She was half my age.”

“That never stopped your flings.”

“She had ambitions.”

“You didn’t have to stop her. You could have supported her, been her lifeline, but you didn’t. Why? Because you’re a coward.”

“I’m not a coward.”

“Then why?” Not-Jeff shot up “Why didn’t it happen?”

“It just didn’t!”

“There’s a reason!”

Jeff slammed his fist on the table and pointed at his distorted self “Is this some convoluted way to make me realize that it’s because I hate myself, you’re too late. I know everything I did wrong and no doppelganger is going to make me feel any worse than I did when I got the call telling me she died! Bring on the brimstone because I’ve been ready for whatever’s thrown at me since I was eight!”

Not-Jeff rose stone faced “I guess we’re done for now.”

Jeff’s eyes followed him to the door. It was quiet enough for Jeff to realize the heavy breathing in the room was him trying to catch his breath.

Not-Jeff opened the door and turned back “I just came in here to talk about Annie.” He slipped out and let the door look behind him.

Jeff stared at the door for a moment like some new torture was going to walk in. None ever came.

Jeff sat down at the table. After a few minutes, he calmed down enough to realize the table’s new dent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo! What a rush! I hope you are enjoying reading it as much as I enjoy writing it. Thank you all, mes amis!


	11. Chapter 11

“What am I supposed to do here?” Britta said, continuing to mope on Annie and Abed’s couch. She had initially cited how she had never actually lived alone before, but there was something different with Britta. She wasn’t traveling or learning a skill like other people; she wasn’t even relaxing. She was just flopped on the old sofa like an unfolded blanket. 

Was there some way Britta could have faked through the Bad Place without improving? It didn’t seem likely, but there was no way someone could be depressed here. Right?

“Anything you want?” Annie sat at her feet “What were some of the goals you wanted to accomplish in life that you never got to, or places you never got to go?”

“Anywhere I wanted to go I hitchhiked to or bought a plane ticket for. As for goals, we have: end poverty, end hunger, end racism, end government...noticing a pattern?”

“You didn’t really have much for you.”

“Yeah,” she leaned eup “A core part of my identity was fighting the man and injustice. Now that I’m in the Good Place, there aren’t corporations or governments or even money--I asked-- everyone just does their part because they enjoy it.”—she laughed under her breath— “I tried to free Janet and ended up accidentally murdering her.”

Annie’s eyes widened.

“Relax, apparently I just rebooted her. However, when screens with Janet chanting ‘Attention, I have been murdered’ pop up everywhere, it’s pretty easy to think that you just committed murder.”

Annie laughed “We can figure you out something to do.”

“I just wish there was some way I could help people. 2 _ _ _ _Actually____ help people, not that good-intentions-bad-execution stuff I did on Earth.”

Lightning struck Annie.

“Janet!”

She listened for a ping but there was none. Instead, she heard “Annie needs me in the other room.” and “Okay.” before Janet emerged from Abed’s room.

“What can I help you with?”

Britta was baffled but Annie remained unphased “How does one get to work on a neighborhood?”

“Architects consist of immortal beings from both Good and Bad Place.”

Annie’s face fell “Oh.”

“With the one exception of Tahani Al-Jamil, the first and so far only human to advance to the ranks with a permit from Judge Gen.”

“I don’t want to be an Architect, Annie. All I’ve ever built was a school in Kenya that collapsed during the rainy season the next year.”

“You wouldn’t have to be an ____Architect____ ,” Annie put her hands on Britta’s shoulders “There are almost two hundred people in each neighborhood. All of them are actors.”

Britta thought “I did do some good stuff at Greendale…”

“Exactly, and I might have a contact to get you in.”

“Come on, Annie, what would I even be doing? Spending all day helping jackashes realize what they did and taking them down a peg.”—Britta’s eyes widened as it clicked— “Like a ___psychologist___.”

“...I guess.”

“Then sign me up!”

* * *

Jeff Winger marched off the train into the desert without care of where he was going. He knew from the start something was wrong, but how could he not tell that he was in the Bad Place the whole time?

Jeff looked at his feet in an attempt to avoid the sun’s rays.

He felt different, though, like he was missing something, like this discovery was just the first layer in a Russian nesting doll of epiphanies.

He unconsciously rubbed his right arm.

And suddenly Jeff could only see sunflowers.

He blinked. That couldn’t be right.

Before him was a patch of sunflowers enclosed in a white picket fence. He trailed the line of the fence to see a whitewash house with a pleasant porch. Jeff squinted at the elderly man resting in a rustic chair.

“Pierce?”

“Bonjour, Demi Moore,” Pierce said with a grin as he took a sip of beer.

“What are you doing here? I thought this place was empty except for that one lady?” Jeff tried to make his words sound like he was glad to find Pierce, but they came out more exasperated.

“Same thing I’ve been doing the past however many Bearimys: enjoying my Afterlife.”--he gestured to the seat beside him-- “Have a seat. Rest a bit.”--he lowered his voice-- “Just don’t tell anyone I’m here.”

“You realized it was the Bad Place, too?” Jeff said as he made his way on the porch. He was honestly disappointed. Some part of him wanted to think that he was special in his realization, but Pierce’s presence meant that you didn’t have to be Newton to see the apple fall.

“A reckon a ton of people realize it’s not the Good Place, but I’ve only seen a handful run off here. Mindy, on the other hand, once saw one group of people run off _sixteen_ times.” “That answers the question of whether or not she accepts everybody,” Jeff muttered as he sat down and grabbed one of Pierce’s spare beers “You could’ve brought ice out here, you know?”

“All beer is warm in the Medium Place.”

“I guess something is better than nothing,” Jeff opened the bottle. “My Bad Place had this temperance thing going on.”

“I know,” Pierce said casually.

“How do you know?”

Pierce paused, realizing what he let slip “I guess there’s no harm in telling you since you’re just going to be rebooted anyway. Here it goes,”--Pierce shifted so he was leaning on the edge of his seat-- “At the end of every year, you get rebooted but retain the general idea of the past year. You go through the next year and learn, then it repeats itself. You, Jeff, have been here twice.”

Jeff leaned back in his chair “So everyone I know but you is being tormented?”

“No, they passed the test. I, personally, opted out because this”--he gestured at the nothingness then behind him to the house-- “Is all a man can ask for. I’d invite you to live with me and Mindy, but I honestly think you should go back for one reason.”

“You think I can handle it?”

Pierce grinned “Please. Last time you came here, I told you all that stuff and you said ‘So I’m just going to be tortured over and over forever?’ This time, you were worried about the study group. You can stay if you want, but you’re about to go to the Good Place.”

Jeff looked down at his warm beer. He could probably give some long winded speech using it as a metaphor and convince Pierce to let him avoid the torment but, for once, he was okay with accepting what was to come. He remembered the vendetta he had against the world for screwing over his fake lawyer job, how he resented the idea of wasting four years at Greendale, but Greendale made him better. 

He rose from his chair “You’re right, Pierce. Thanks.”

“Feel free to drop by anytime. Just bring some coke for Mindy.”

Jeff made his way back to the train station. He had no idea what kind of punishment was to come, but, if Pierce was right for once, he wouldn’t remember. 

This was the path to the Good Place, the study group, the one that died too soon.

* * *

“I have to say,” Vicky peered at Annie and Britta “I have never seen a human I’ve worked with twice.”

“It’s important; I promise,”--Annie presented Britta like she was the next item on _The Price is Right_ \-- “This is Britta and she would like to pitch in to the Bad Place process.”

Vicky gave a stiff smile “I’m sorry, but that’s for demons.”

“I don’t believe you are demons,” Britta said with the confidence of a Harvard professor “because each bad thing you do helps people become better people. Back when I lived in New York, I found out the bakery I went to was owned by a racist, so I chained myself to the front until he came out and explained that what I saw was just him being mad at his adopted brother from Cambodia and banned me.” she paused “I miss those ____baggles____

Vicky smiled sincerely “Wow...you are the ____worst____.”

Britta was taken aback. She had heard that phrase a lot before. It was synonymous with “Shut up” or “Go away” or “Quit being so self-righteous usually. However, the way Vicky said it was closer to… awe.

“You gotta meet Shawn, but first, let’s get some baggles together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, mes amis. I just thought that activist Britta would love the prospect of actually changing people's minds without hearing "Shut up, Britta." Hope everyone enjoyed!


	12. Chapter 12

Annie shifted on her legs as she ran through her mental checklist for the eighth time. She wanted Jeff’s welcome to be more than just an intimate dinner like Shirley had made for Britta but nothing quite felt right. Yes, it was a nice bar (but not so nice that it started to feel like a gentleman’s club) and it had every conceivable brand and brew behind the bar, but that didn’t change the fact that she and Jeff were a good forty years (and hundred of loops in the Bad Place) separated.

“Relax, Annie,” Britta said as she took another sip of her brandy, letting her free arm rest on the bar in a way that made it clear that it was her day off. “I lived with him 35 years; I know what he likes.”

Annie sighed as she sat on the barstool next to Britta. In a booth across the way was Abed and Shirley and, judging by the uncomfortable way Abed was sitting, he was getting questioned about his relationship with Janet again.

_Ping!_

The bar jumped up and clicked their heads to the entrance. The bell over the front door tinged.

And there stood Jeff WInger.

He had on a collared button-up with the slimming black pants that said “I know how good I am,” but the way he stood said otherwise. Jeff Winger was confident, not arrogant, confident. He didn’t have the top button undone so he could do the “I don’t care” look; he just happened to have it undone. He captivated the room so well, only Abed noticed Janet slip away and _ping_ back into her void.

He held out his arms “Miss me.”

Shirley was the fastest, giving him a squeeze.

“Shirley,” he sighed as he reciprocated gently “We’ll have to play some foosball later.”

Shirley pulled away and looked askance.

“I’m kidding.”

Shirley smiled before stepping back, letting Jeff and Abed share a light, pat on the back hug.

Jeff pulled back and saw Annie and Britta standing by the bar.

“Seems we have a trolly problem here,” Jeff said in a joking voice.

The girls exchanged glances.

“Two options, a moment to choose,” Jeff grinned “Who to give the running reuniting hug to first?”

The girls ran up to Jeff as he met them in the middle, taking each under one of his shoulders.

* * *

It wasn’t quite complete, but it was close enough to fool them. The Greendale Seven may still be apart, but the Save Greendale Committee was back together again.

Jeff finished off the last of his whiskey while the group recovered from a laughing spell.

“So naturally,” he continued “I went on to explain to the guy that yes, it is possible that a monkey could have taken the pen; it had happened before. The new dean is having none of it. He picks his stapler in a fit of rage, throws it through the wall, and, in the gaping hole in the wall...and something is moving.”

Abed leaned in “Annie’s Boobs?”

“A opossum.”

The group shared disbelieving looks.

“Britta, back me up.”

Britta, caught off guard, swiftly swallowed something brown and coughed “It’s true.”

“The guy quits and Pelton is back the next day. The best part is…” he turned to Britta.

Britta smirked “I stole all his pens.”

The booth erupted in laughter.

Annie stirred her drink “You guys really have that story down pat.”

“You know how it--” Britta stopped abruptly “Well you and Abed must have something like that?”

“Well--”

“Inspector Spacetime,” Abed cut in “We bounce off of each other in the Dreamatorium all the--” he switched into a pseudo-British accent-- “space.” 

“I know what you mean, Britta. It’s okay.” Annie looked down at her drink then repeated, more for herself “It’s okay.”

The room went silent.

“Greendale was a dumpster fire after you guys left.” Jeff said flatly “I know that you were moving on to better things, but it really was not the same. I met Pierce in the Medium Place a few times, and it really became clear how easy it was to just...stop being a group. It wasn’t any one of us leaving, it was all of us leaving and taking our part with us.”

Everyone nodded understandingly.

“I guess we were overdue for a classic Jeff Winger speech,” Abed held out his bottle of beer “To Jeff.”

Everyone else clinked their drinks “To Jeff.”

* * *

The group broke off in pieces. First was Britta, leaving only because she had to go straight to work at the Bad Place. Then Shirley, peopled out. Abed slipped away, having run out of things to talk about.

“So,” Annie looked down at her feet “I guess this is goodnight.”

“I guess it is.”

Silence.

“We have eternity,” Jeff blurted out.

Annie perked up “What?”

“I mean. We have eternity; it’s not like we can’t meet up again soon.”

“Yeah…” Annie smiled wryly.

Silence.

“By that logic the night doesn’t _really_ have to end at all.”

Jeff smiled “We could go back to my place. I’ve never actually seen it, but it can’t be _that_ dirty already.”

Annie giggled “Oh, Jeff.” a beat “That sounds nice.”


	13. Chapter 13

Abed had often wished he didn’t have to sleep, but, now that he was in a place where he didn’t have to do so, he found sleep to be satisfying.

Even when he did awake to find Janet standing over his bed.

“Janet.”

“Abed.”

Abed blinked “You have news.”

“I do,” Janet smiled “Troy Barnes will be arriving in the Good Place later today.”

Abed launched out of bed “This isn’t a joke?”

“I don’t make jokes.”

Abed looked down at his _______________Inspector Spacetime_______________ pajamas. If Troy was really coming, then this wouldn’t do at all. 

“Constable Janet!”

“Still here.”

Abed straightened up “Fetch me my overcoat!”

Janet held out her arms and a trenchcoat materialized.

“No,” he stared off into the distance dramatically, “The _______________good_______________ overcoat.”

Janet materialized a white bathrobe.

* * *

One of the great things about time having no meaning in the Good Place was that nowhere ever closed.

Jeff didn’t know exactly what compelled him to agree to going to the Good Place version of Disneyland (calling it just “Disneyland” did not feel natural, even if it was an exact replica of the one on Earth). There were only enough people there to keep it from feeling eerie, letting Jeff and Annie stroll about the joyful people.

“I’ve never actually been here,” Annie said as she looked up at Cinderella’s Castle.

“Really?” Jeff said, half disbelieving half something else.

“What?” 

“Nothing, it’s just…” Jeff laughed under his breath “I thought this would be the first place you would go; somewhere you can just let loose.”

“Guess I was just waiting for someone special to go with.”

Annie slipped her hand into Jeff’s. By the time he realized it, it had already nestled itself comfortably there.

* * *

Abed knew that he probably had not been waiting for Troy as long as Troy had been waiting for him (Abed had, after all, never been through the Bad Place), but that didn’t make it any less special. He felt like he was on his way to Comic Con or the set of _______________Inspector Spacetime_______________ , somewhere where he was completely understood.

He hoped.

Truth was, he and Troy had over 40 years of separation. For all he knew, Troy had grown out of all this stuff, gotten a life, left the nerd behind.

 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _He wouldn’t do that_______________ , Abed thought _______________He’s Troy. He wouldn’t do that_______________.

_Ping!_

The knob instantly began to jiggle, then stopped.

Abed’s heart raced. Had he forgotten and left the door locked? Or did Troy just not want to see him.

Abed approached the door and checked the locks. All fine.

_Ping!_

Abed began picking at his skin. He left. He had to have.

Abed heard the rustling of clothes.

The knock rustled. The door sheepishly creaked open. 

Troy peeped his head around, gaping at first as he took in Abed.

Abed took in his friend in turn. Troy’s body emerged to reveal a hastily equipped navy British police uniform with a whistle, just like Constable Reggie.

Troy’s gaping turned to awe as he stepped inside and hugged his friend tight.

They were together, and they were still each other.

* * *

Annie leaned on Jeff’s shoulder, basking in the streetlights of Mainstreet “I think it’s for the best we never got together when we were alive.”

Jeff looked askance “Was that last kiss that bad?”

“No, I mean that I’d have been so focused on keeping everything perfect that I’d have ended up trying to make you ‘better’ and push you away.”

“I’d have just treated you like a kid the whole time and it would’ve turned into an oppressive daddy kink.”

Annie playfully bumped Jeff “Don’t be so dramatic, Jeff. I’m sure you wouldn’t have.”

“Oh I would’ve! Did they show you The Darkest Timeline?”

Annie thought “I don’t think so.”

“They showed me. They did the whole thing where I realized I didn’t actually belong there, they caught me, sent me to the ‘Bad Place’ and had me confront the worst version of myself. I thought he was trying to make me realize I hated myself.” 

“Jeff,” Annie rubbed his arm. She knew that Jeff’s snarkiness definitely hid something, but it was different to hear him actually admit it.

“That wasn’t it, though. He just wanted me to stew for a bit before he came back and told me to my face that this all happened because nobody was ever an equal. They were either worse than me or better than me, and, until the study group, I hated people for being either. He even commended me for sticking it out this long.”

“So we never worked because you thought I was better than you?” Annie smiled a bittersweet smile, it was sweet in its own tragic way. It couldn’t have worked because he thought she was better; it couldn’t have worked because she wanted him to be better.

“Greendale removed the use-or-be-used part of me,” Jeff continued “but it couldn’t buff out all the flaws.”

Annie snuggled into Jeff “Maybe it could happen here.”

“No,” he sighed, pushing her away unconsciously “I’m like, over twice your age now. I know your not a kid but—“

“Jeremy Bearimy, Jeff. I’ve been here for over three hundred Earth years when you count all the Bad Place loops. How many loops did you do.”

“I dunno,” Jeff thought “two hundred and forty-something.”

“Add that to our regular ages, and I’m 340-something and your 320-something.”

Jeff blinked “That would mean...”

“I’m older than you now,” Annie straightened up triumphantly “Makes sense since I was always more mature.”

Jeff wracked his brain “But...no...how?”

Annie threw her arms to exclaim “Jeremy Bearimy!”

“You keep saying that, but I don’t know what it means.”

“It means Walt Whitman and Sappho wrote a book of poems about loving the same sex. It means Carl Sagan gets to lull by a star and watch it be born, die, and repeat. Jeremy Bearimy means togetherness across time, the impossible happening in a different way.”

There was a hiatus as Jeff connected the dots in his head.

“Jeremy Bearimy means us as equals.”

Jeff put his arm around Annie gingerly. 

“Jeremy Bearimy then,” he said.

Annie snuggled into Jeff’s shoulder. 

“Jeremy Bearimy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not the end, mes amis, but it is near. I hope you all enjoyed the chapter. Also, happy Fourth of July (or whatever holiday you are reading this near)! -x


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it! Last chapter! We're here! We made it! :)

“Start from the top, no, give the highlights first,” Abed balled up his hand in excitement.

Troy took a breath “I think the repairman cult might be international now?”

It wasn’t a question, really, but Troy’s confusion at his own statement did nothing to quell Abed.

“Nevermind, I need it from the top.” Abed rushed to the couch and gestured for Troy to follow.

“I don’t quite know when it started,”—he began as he sat on the couch— “but I would always fix things when I made a stop out of instinct. I became a bit of a folk hero—stop by, buy some things, fix the unfixable— the thing is, people started looking me up and got sent to a page the repairman school set up about how I am their messiah. Next thing I know, the people waiting at each stop aren’t just there for Levar Burton.”

“They must’ve been devastated when you died.”

Abed’s frankness threw him off. Troy had forgotten for a moment how easily Abed could speak about absurd topics. Gaining confidence, Troy continued “I just hope things will calm down now that I’m dead.”

“Actually,” Janet chimed in as she entered the room “You told them that they shouldn’t obsess over you so much because they’ll find someone else eventually. They took it as a prophecy and are displaying your ashes in an intricately carved urn in the center of the school.”

Troy’s eyes widened as he stared at nothing “I made a mistake.”

“I’m sure they’ll calm down soon, right Janet?”

Her smile didn’t waver “They took you staying ‘you’ll find someone else eventually’ to be prophecy that you will return to unite Air Conditioning Repairmen, Plumbers, and Custodians in a time of great need and have used your hints to determine the Truest Repairman will be reborn in either Greendale, Canada, or Greece.”

Troy blinked “What hints!”

* * *

Now was time.

Jeff hopped off the train and onto the familiar dirt of the Medium Place, the rest of the study group following suit. Aside from Jeff, Janet was the only one there with a clue as to where they were going, but all knew what they were doing. After all this time, it was a matter of planning when, not if.

Annie, apple pie in hands, only slightly tailed Jeff. She took a try of watermelon slices from Britta so that she could take off her psychologist glasses and switch into some sunglasses (she had, after all, come straight from consulting on a new neighborhood for a corporate bigwig). Unhindered by napkins and a cooler, Troy and Abed tailed behind. Following suit at their own pace came Shirley with her homemade blueberry pie and Janet (ready to ping the necessary hotdogs).

Mindy and Pierce would provide an infinite amount of warm beer and green bean casserole.

Abed and Troy felt Shirley pass them. They perked up. A beige house had come into sight. They picked up speed. 

Standing tall on the porch was Pierce. Beside him, a fortyish woman is an 80s pantsuit.

“Everybody, everybody,” Pierce put his hand out like the group was a cheering crowd of fans “Before we begin.”—he gestured to the brunette— “Mindy St. Clair. We haven’t put a label on it—”

“And don’t plan on it,” she cut off with a grin. 

They laughed in a way that obscured whether the line was planned.

A beat. 

“I would ask Pierce to introduce you guys, but I have no intention on learning names.”—Mindy turned around and grabbed a half empty beer to toast— “Let’s get this Norman Rockwell done before Derek reboots.”

Shirley’s smile stiffened “You two are perfect for each other.”

“If we were married, she would definitely be one of my top three wives. That reminds me, Troy,” he turned to face Troy “You have to tell us what you did on the boat trip and…”—he leaned in like he thought it was a secret— “and with all the money I left you.”

Troy’s lips gave the slightest grin “Well, it all started in landlocked Greendale with a game of the floor is lava…”

* * *

Troy and Abed sat on the wicker patio chairs, watching their friends chat about in the patch of dirt Mindy and Pierce called their lawn. Abed had wanted to jump immediately into ________________Inspector Spacetime________________ theories and lore after the quick catch up to the rest of the group, but Troy insisted on relaxing for a bit. Abed tried his best not to mind (it’s not like they were kids with parents that would pick them up in a few hours), but the half-absent conversation had quickly become boring.

“Anyway,” Troy leaned back “I guess you just had to be there for that last one. Well, I know you couldn’t be there, but, yeah…” he trailed off into a lull in conversation.

“Talking about death here isn’t taboo, Troy. I don’t really care that I’m dead. I get to enjoy things here I couldn’t on earth; ________________Firefly________________ got an extra six seasons here, ending on it’s own terms.”

“That sounds nice.” Troy sighed.

“What is it? Do you not like ________________Firefly________________ anymore?”

Troy didn’t respond. For a moment, Abed was worried that his friend had changed too much while they were separate.

“Y’know, Abed,”—Troy leaned forward so that his elbows rested on his knees— “I need to tell you something.”

“Okay.”

“When you died…” Troy paused “I didn’t get to go to your funeral.”

Abed was silent for a moment “Makes since, my dad was likely in charge of the funeral, and it’s Muslim tradition to bury as soon as possible.”

“It didn’t help that I dropped my phone into the ocean on day three. Shirley called the executor of the will, who called LeVar Burton’s agent, who called the hotel the media had reported us at in France, who then left the message that we needed to call her.” he hesitated “You’d been in the ground for half a week by then.

“If this wasn’t so serious I’d ask how the message on that real life game of telephone turned out.”

“It was hard for a long time. When we were in college together, I never really thought about us having different faiths, but after you died, this crippling realization that only one of us could be right kept creeping in. I would lie awake fearing we wouldn’t see each other again because one of us was just plain old dead.” Troy started to tear up “I’m honestly glad we were both wrong.”

“We weren’t both wrong; we were each 5% right.”

Troy stared up at Abed and smiled “For someone who isn’t always the best at social cues, how do you alway know what to say?”

Abed reached out to Troy with one hand and readied his other by his chest. Troy sat up and mimicked him.

They patted twice. Their handshake still felt so natural after so long apart.

“You thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’?” Troy grinned.

“Troy and Abed in the Goooood Place!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have loved getting all of your comments throughout this, mes amis! The thrill of writing and sharing got me through the day. Thank you all for sticking it out! -x


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